5 Punishment threats NO mom should EVER make (because they'll bite you in the A**)

My four year was seriously just having like a major 4 year old girl meltdown.  She was mad I wouldn't let her go down the basement to find some toy that she's never cared about until like two minutes ago. She said she wanted to sleep with it for nap -- pretty sure that's 4 year old code for "talk to it for an hour and a half instead of actually sleep".  But that's not why I said no... 

I said "no" for two reasons: nap time was coming and I knew if she went down my 2 year old would follow and I knew he had to poop and he always goes when he's in the basement. (It's like me and card shopping, I always get the feeling when I'm trying to pick out a card so I end up just buying some birthday card for a he when it's really a she's birthday....you get my point -- that's like his spot).  Anyway, I said no and that just set her off.  She kept asking. I kept saying no. She kept asking. I kept getting more annoyed. 

Finally, I put an end to it - or at least I thought I did - by herding them upstairs for nap.  My daughter asked again and when I said no again this time she stomped her foot. OH hell to the no...you.do.not stomp.your.foot.at.me.young.lady.  That's when I took the stuffed Minnie Mouse doll she had in her hand and told her she wasn't sleeping with that either. 

That really got her going.  Now she's balling...great.  My son's yelling "Fake crying." I'm pretty sure the tears, beet red face, and borderline hyperventilating isn't faking...but whatever.  Anyway, as I tried not to let them see me get a chuckle out of his remark, I told her if she didn't stop in .5 seconds she'd have no TV for two days.

WAIT what? Why would I say that? That's more of a punishment for me than it was for her.  I seriously hate when I make punishment threats like that.  Thankfully she stopped so I didn't have to endure the torture of actually following through out that horrendous punishment against myself. 

I'm actually known to do this.  Like when the kids are acting up because they're so flippin' excited that they're spending the night at MomMom and PopPop's house.  Then there's me like: "Clean up these toys, these shoes, these jackets, animals, dolls, barbies, drinks, dirty tissues, books....or else you WON'T have a sleepover." Meantime, my husband's across the room -- and behind their backs -- like making a hacking motion across this throat reminding me there's no flippin' way they're NOT going for a sleepover.  Right, right what am I thinking that's like the punishment of the year against a parent.

To help myself out (and now, you) I've created a list of five punishments I will NEVER threaten against my children.  I've also included an alternative that will likely strike such fear in them they will straighten up immediately...ready, here goes:

Don't threaten: No TV for a week  
Threaten: You will have to watch only the Golf Channel for a week

Don't threaten: You will not go for a sleep over at PopPop and MomMom's
Threaten:  You'll have to go to bed early at MomMom's.

Don't threaten: You are not leaving the house for the rest of the day  (You don't really want to stay in the house do you?)
Threaten: You will sit in timeout outside on the step while we all have fun and blow bubbles and pick daffadillers without you

Don't threaten:  No pizza for dinner tonight (You don't really want to cook do you?)
Threaten: Liverworst for dinner tonight!

Don't threaten:  No swimming lessons tonight (You do want to tire her out and get out of the house, don't you?)
Threaten:  You will have to leave before free swim at the end of your lesson

Okay so there you have it....use at your own risk.

On a serious note, what punishments have you have used that work best for you and your children? Please share as I know all moms are always looking for alternatives for the kid that just doesn't respond to time out.